I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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