I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
