i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
