I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
