If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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