I want to have your abortion
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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