took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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