umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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