Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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