Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
did i walk over a car last night?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
