Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
