"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
