He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
