You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
