Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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