I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
