I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Less talking, more tequila
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
