I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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