After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
