I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
