we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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