All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize