Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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