i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
