So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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