That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
