We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize