I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
