Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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