I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
