i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
