there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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