Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I will be naked everywhere
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
