turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize