Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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