its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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