Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
