i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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