Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
