His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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