so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
