i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
