It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize