Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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