i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
