we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
