im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
