So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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