I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
