For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Every concussion has its silver lining
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
