I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize