girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
