I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
