Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
