Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i've created a new STD.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
