Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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