no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
