I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
