If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
