sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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