i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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