fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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