Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
