We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
