you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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