he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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