So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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