watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
