Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
dude. I can hear the air.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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