very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
