Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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