I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
