Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize