What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
