I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
