I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize