shes about as inviting as chlamydia
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
