Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
