I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
soo... how was my night?
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