Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
