There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
