Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
