U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
God I need to hump something, right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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