Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
