it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
