tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
