You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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