Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
