i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
