finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
