Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
